When Life gives you lemons, make Lemonade.

There is no denying that life gives you lemons; the sour bitter taste of Life but it takes a lot more effort in making a lemonade out of it, most effort goes into the headstart you need to push yourself out of the zone you've landed yourself into. My already written Blog Ups and downs are part of life was way back when I had no clue how hard Life can actually be. Why is this so hard to apply when we are in the downs of life? I still wonder. This is simply a motivational post for myself, to self analyze, introspect, look at the optimistic view of life and to encourage myself if I've been this far, I can travel further more.

Moving forward, let's get updated what's been on my life these days. Excelling in my previous two interviews, I got an opportunity at one of the known M.N.C. I was feeling lucky and having bagged the position which I had always desired, I was jubilant. But since I'm utterly cursed(sic), my happiness couldn't last long. I was bashed with strong arguments how this Company was against my opportunity to grow. However, in a confused state, I grabbed the chance. Eh, Carpe Diam. I must be happy, but happiness scares me these days, at one point you're happy, next you're stressed about something that really didn't matter before or won't matter in future but can eat up your present. Plus, I was still waiting for the official confirmation. This interview came at a cost. The two different interviews were on different dates, one which clashed with the date I had to teach.

It was Friday morning 5:52 AM when I was woken up by my Roommates, they were too excited for the Recruitment drive that they did not care to sleep. Nevertheless, I was forced to go with them, with my bare desire to try, I was ready. It took us more than 2hrs to reach the spot, only to find that the company is LATE.  Fast-forwarding, I was least interested on hearing that it is a sales company, I just wanted to go back Home and then go for my teaching class. The Group-Discussion Round was astonishing when only my other two Roommates and I were selected. I just wanted to go back, but this being my first Interview chance, I wanted an experience. I stayed. They were too slow, the time passing sluggishly, I called to inform I could be late, I knew it would be worse, but talking over there(on phone) was no solution to it. The interview went late till 22:00. Next day was the  drive of a company that I wanted. I had 4 hrs of sleep, and this time, it was just me. I had to go all by myself. Waking up again at 6, I left for a different location. This was a Tech Firm and again I wanted to try.The rounds went smoothly as I was clearing them. Once again I was at the interview panel and soon I was forwarded to the HR panel. I was delighted. This was faster than the day before, and everything got over by 18:00. It was Saturday, weekend. The happiness overwhelmed any thought of my class.

Monday, I was substituted since the other teacher was ill. On reaching, the incidents took place this way:

Me: Reached the door, *Rings the bell*

Guardian: *Opens the door* You! Today is not your day. You don't come here anymore. *Slams & shuts the door*

M:Thinking: Shit. What do I do now, last class was my payment day.*Rings the doorbell once again* I was told that he already talked to you and that I can take today's class.

G:*Almost screaming* You talked to him, not me. Who gives you the payment? Him or me? Who do you work for? This a house, you teach my son. I don't want a teacher like you who will spoil my child. Go back. I don't need you. Talk to the one who sent you today. I will keep another English teacher. I don't want you. *screaming* GET LOST!

Me: It was just one day, I will manage Friday's class by giving him extra hours. Today I was sent by him, only because he said he a had a word with you. *Me thinking you just can't ask me to go, last class was the PAYMENT DAY. Atleast she should PayMe.*

G: You just keep saying that. You can't do anything.*Yelling* YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CHILD'S FUTURE. EVERY CLASS MATTERS TO ME. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. I DON'T WANT YOU HERE. GO NOW. WE ARE GENTLE PEOPLE. NOW DON'T SPOIL MY DAY.*Slams door shut again*

M: *Thinking what do I do now.* *Tries calling the other teacher* *cuts phone half-way* What would I say to him.

G : *Opens Door* You're still here? What do you think I will keep pleading for you?

M: No, I will make it up, I will devote extra time to him.

G: Now come inside.

M: Thank you.

G : Don't think I will keep asking you. I was informed now, He should have contacted me rather than my sister. I'm responsible for the child. And you, you're responsible if my child fails. *Starts yelling, at the top of her voice* WHAT MANNERS HAVE YOU LEARNT FROM PARENTS. CAN'T YOU PICK UP MY CALLS.WERE YOU SO BUSY? AAH, MY CHILD ISN'T IMPORTANT TO YOU. I GIVE YOU MONEY, SO ASK ME WHEN TO COME, IT'S NOT YOUR HOME, NOR THIS IS A PLAYGROUND FOR YOUR DIRTY TACTICS.

M : I was in the interview as I told you. I'm teaching your kid well. I give my time faithfully, it isn't about money.

G: Just your Interview, your exams, my kid has no value to you. You're a teacher, you must have some responsibilities.

Turns out, I'm not so good at speaking bluntly. I don't know why, but my tone can't be harsh, taking into considerations that she is elder. I respect her, but sometimes she pokes so hard that I'm unable to control the anger. Whatsoever, it had never lashed out on her yet. Today what I experienced was something for the first time, never had anyone shouted at me with so much rage and me being a mule to them. Was it respect, or the money, or the values giving by parents(HaH, she even brought that into account.). It didn't end it there, post taunts were like after-shocks that come after massive earthquake bringing more destruction. Of course, my job comes first to me. I can't just keep teaching, for the sake of her child. I had already completed his syllabus. It is just revision time. Moreover I said I would make up the time missed. This yelling, shouting, screaming, gathering crowd around her apartment only to insult me, I can't take it.I don't know but I decided, I would end it there.

This is the down, of my life right now. It was previously on 1st Jan 2019. I was sent back from door upon hearing few comments on the very first day of year, spoiling not just my morning, but day or maybe year. I know I had my up. I know I will. I keep these things to myself. Who else would listen to these bullshits. Thus writing comes for the rescue. I have a few moral principals, let her shout, be rude, pass comments the way she likes, it all depends on her. Education that she wants from me me to her child is just bookish knowledge, but the things he is learning by watching her, would add to his experience in later life. I was taught to respect, be kind. I can take it upto a certain limit, aftermath, I'm going to quit. The worst that can happen is, The kid will drop from A to B can't go below that I know, He has enough knowledge than most in his class. What I worry about is, his future. How he would treat people. What life lessons would he learn.

For my case. I have my ups coming, I just need to take in some more, then enjoy the fruit during the cold. Eventually it's for us to decide "If life gives you lemons you either "Make lemonade" OR "Squeeze into people's eyes" 

"Life handed him a lemon,
As Life sometimes will do.
His friends looked on in pity,
Assuming he was through.
They came upon him later,
Reclining in the shade
In calm contentment, drinking
A glass of lemonade."

-Peace Out!☮

Nightmare

I'm lying there, partially paralysed, immovable, its all dark. Foggy surrounding, or is it smoke everywhere. I can hear my heartbeat, it's all silent like some kind of storm either just passed away or something more bigger is coming right at me. I can see the water puddles, I move my eyeballs first to the right and then to the left. It's like a war-zone, debris everywhere. My hands start to shiver, as I feel cold, I hear someone is coming, footsteps, yes those are footsteps, I can hear the "thud-thud" sound. I try moving, but I can't. I'm putting up all my effort of moving my legs, trying to stand up, but I can't. I can hear some steel clattering over somewhere far, and it is scaring, rather terrified. I gathered all my energy and put up all my effort to stand up and I'm starting to. The footsteps are now faster, and more audible. I start to walk and increase my pace to running. The darkness gathers all around, I stumble over something and Noo, I fell... it's dark deep pit, pulling out my gather to catch something, to someone catch me. My eyes wide open, I realise I'm back to my bed, my dorm(Hostel). It was just a dream.And now I'm awake. But wait, is the dream, not over yet? I have my eyes open, but I'm feeling trapped. I can't feel my hands, nor my legs. I try calling out my room-mates, someone to help me out, neither can I tilt my head, nor can I move my jaws, I can't even open my mouth. It's like "Locked-in syndrome"- a condition in which a patient is awake and aware but cannot move or speak because almost all the muscles in the body except for the eyes are paralyzed.

Nightmares have been common these days, but this, this was certainly different and something I experienced first time in my life. This was terrifying at a whole new level and even after hours of actually waking up I was still under goosebump effect with my hand literally shaking for every task I did. I got out of my Sleep-paralysis by pushing myself out of it. Trying with all my energy, like I had done in the preceding dream. The whole mood was ruined,I had my mind thinking about it all day long.
My dreams never used be this scaring or terrifying, rather it used to be all darkness, blacked out. Recently with the past events happening I think I need to calm my mind. I never really thought about Nightmares, but today post tragic event had put me into a state of shock. I had a dream, my father again, he is ill and we are trying our best to recover him. His state is worsening over time. Ahh.. I having those chills again while writing this, but I'm going to write that out, somewhere I need to vent out these emotions, can't bother people into this. While thinking about writing this out, I connected the dots, and it turns out, the state today I was in after waking up is the same state that Dad was going through in his last week. That stage where he could just roll his eyeballs, maybe shouting inside his mind, trying to have that last conversation as we were craving.
But again, I'm not sure if all my dreams have been related to him. After meeting Miley,(8th Jan) that night my dream was purely blissful. I was happy after waking up. The next day again involved her, kind of bad but at least I had her. I even talked to her about it. Those two days, it was refreshing waking up, we had each other, holding hands, by each others side. But other than those two days, I'm into lucid dreams, those nightmares. What's really worrying is why did I suddenly started dreaming, like seeing these kind of night terrors? I never used to, or rarely, once in a blue moon. These dreams are possessing plus dominating. One time it was scary again. I had this blurry images of owl and spiders, dark room, again I was shouting, phone wreaking, and something powerful entity trying to chase or coming towards me. I woke in the middle of the night, parched and sweating. I look around and there I'm in my room with everything under control. I closed my eyes and trying back to sleep when again, I'm back there in that dark room, this time, I see masked person having chats and I realise I'm back to the same dream. I have this sub-concious mind that know I'm sleep and all I need to do is open my eyes, but they are shut, like sticking with the dream around be continuing, distant chattering going on. I know something is not right and something bad is going to happen.
Dreams really do affect our daily lives. A bad dream can actually spoil your morning or worse, the whole day, anything you've planned out. Earlier, my worst dream used to be "her getting away." I guess since I've actually faced that in my real life, I'm over my worst fear and my brain is entering into new dimensions. Yeah, after all it's been long since my mind had it's own blackhole. That bright star, when it died, part of me died as well. Most of my luck and all of my brain activity too. I've never talked about her here, so let that still be the mystery girl, the Gwen, while I move on with my life figuring out how to deal with the problems that I myself create and how to solve them rather being a Bond to someone else's life.
I researched and found out "Meditation" would help. Nightmares are common if some mishap happens in your life and may continue for sometime. But the Sleep paralysis that I experienced post-awakening is a matter of concern. It might be indication of some brain problems, huge stress, or distress. I hope I don't get that back again, and wish nobody who reads this does. It was terrifying. Good-day people. Freddy aint real, so have a calm mind before sleeping. I'm thankful he didn't visit me, so far.

-Peace out!

8th January 2019

Absence Sharpens Love, Presence Strengthens it.

For now I've named the Post just as the day I'm going to describe, because the day in itself is a special day. It Started with the Mid-night Wishing Abdy(Abdullah) a Happy Birthday. I was a bit unhappy that I couldn't be there but the thought that I'd be somewhere else dismissed what ever guilt I had. I wished him, and thought he was better enjoying than disturb him. The day had began, with my train being late I was okay with it. Since I had experienced worse. I was charging my phone so utilizing the moment was "The presence of mind" which I wish my Job interviewer would have notices. Jokes apart. It was cold, but I had the beanie in my bag. I set up my Alarm at two different timing and on two different apps. Taking extra precaution of not missing my station, I even switched my phone to full Vibrate-Mode. The train came, usually late, Duh! I sat on my berth and it was then when it hit my head, "The thought of bringing my Blanket". I had never travelled without one, and the bone chilling cold in a sleeper compartment made me realize what a shitty-mistake(yeah Blunders are called that now) I made. I had that extra jacket, but wearing that would spoil the Gift I had for her, I was going to sleep on my bag. And that extra Jacket was actually for her, I had thought so when keeping it. She might need one. Moving on.. the Train started AND SO DID THE SHIVERING. Gosh, I was shivering like a vibrating Dildo. I had never seen one, what other things vibrate? A phone? or a drilling machine. Whatever you find the most, I was THAT. I woke up twice, every-time checking my Phone, Wallet and TIME, I really didn't wanted to miss my stop.

So there I was at CUTTACK station, after nearly 4 years. It was late and with constant conversation, well-informed. I didn't want her to take huge risks, so no chances of doubting. After her classes where cancelled. I decided to take coffee, and yeah also grab something to eat, my stomach was growling with the shivering for how empty it had been. I had skipped the dinner as well, the oily food made me to. Soon, I reached the bus stop and there, this Auto-wala says it's strike day! It was not much of a shock.. but the buses won't be plying all day. I decided informing her the same, maybe, if she had the scooty. I walked around, remembering the Good Old Days... how I used to complain Dad of walking too much. All that seemed like a couple of minutes walk. I explored the area, grabbed a water bottle, small talk with the shopkeeper, and so I came to know about All India Bandh. Shit! This had once crossed my mind, but seriously. Till now the day wasn't going soo good as I had thought, maybe because my luck was being late. No sign of her anywhere, I decided to go to the bridge. and long walk back. I saw the crowd of the party doing strike, it was peaceful but crowded, with the police leading.. it was safe. Finally I received her call, she was out, now and I knew she would come by an auto, I started walking back. Small talk with mummy while returning, I assured her(actually I assured myself more than her) that we're somewhere just outside Hostel. As I reached the spot at the same time I saw her.

She reached the same time as I did. Lucky!

She was there. First thing I noticed was her smile, she wasn't short(she exaggerated, I suppose) she was cute. Yeah, that's the first thing that ran in my head. Honestly, I told I saw her smile.. Actually it was the bold matte finished Red Lipstick. With ceasing my urge to hug her at that very moment, it was her city, all I did was a firm handshake. Cold hands, soft and then that smile. Blue hoodie, which anyone could tell was oversized, and her white jeans which made her look more cuter. Then like Gwen from Spider-verse, she pulled down the hood and "OH MY GOD!" That was shocking revelation. She had them coloured. I don't know what the terms are, it was some shades dark some light, some natural. But haircut didn't surprise me much. I had that calculated and she actually pulled it off really good. I don't know if I had ever seen anyone befitting that haircut. One can confidently say those were felicitous.
Moving on, she decided we must take an Auto, great witted I must say. So we were now moving... One thing, I must say.. she has that smile, that one where if you see a person smiling with a smile like that, whatever is going in your head, you'll forget it and start smiling with that person for a moment. And her light brown eyes enchanted me combined with that fabulous smile.

I know myself. I take hell lot of time to open up. So I thought lets get started formally as a friend. With casual teasing.. and having fun in the auto, it was quick we reached the Smart city: Bhubaneshwar.  Quite smart and dumb as well. I don't know much about girly stuff... But this thing, mattered to her, it was like the last piece of a puzzle you're solving which took like a week to it and that piece goes missing. I was worried it could be phone, or wallet or jewellery, but it was her Favorite: Color-Pop Bold Red; Matte finish Lipstick. Yeah, not a big deal for guys but big deal for this young lady, specially my girl who has just one obsession and it's Lipsticks. We lost the auto-Uncle and so our hope of getting the thing. But fortunately, I got the opportunity to get hold of her hand. Uhh.. I just don't want to scare her by unnecessary holding hands or unnecessary anything.

This city had a different scene than Cuttack. This city was scared as timid rabbit. With all the shops and mall closed, we just had the roads to road and no-where else. And so we did that. Finally we sat at a grocery shop(actually the second, first one was already closing). I was still trying opening up. We did the conversation... Ahh.. the conversation felt so good. It was like we meet everyday and talk for hours. I got introduced to a new Chips. After getting rejected from multiple closed doors, me landing into gobar , Searching for a mall in every direction only to find it closed, her leg getting that nerve refraction.. We moved forward to a different mall.. This mall was partially closed. I was getting my luck fixed. We got there.. It was vacant and that was good. Holding her arms, observing her.. The smile she had was something to look at.. Her stories were good, but now I realize I interrupted her a lot. That commenting, wasn't out of nervousness but for the sheer habit of me Trolling friends. She had a way of narrating, with occasional sleek cheek bones outcasting every light in that mall...
It was then She asked for a guessing game. And ohh God I fucked it so bad. I could have shattered my head against the 30 feet window pane. Fudge, she was tapping her fingers against her cheeks and that's why I said Kiss on cheeks. Sheesh...

But naah... She was with me, her sweet charismatic aura made me smile every-time I took a glimpse of her, soon making me forget that mistake.

Efficiency and Corruption go hand in hand

Corruption is the unethical act performed by the group of people using power of position or authority to acquire personal benefits. It is a social issue which adversely affects the economy of nation. Corruption uses unethical means to get advantage of others. It is the mistreatment of public resources just for getting some unfair advantage to fulfil little wish. It is concerned with the unnecessary and wrong use of both power and position by anyone whether in the government or non-government organization. People forget the real responsibility of being a human just because of the money. We need to understand that money is not everything and it is not a stable thing. Corruption is a selfish desire that only benefits oneself and does not think about the other person or the whole nation.
Efficiency is the state or quality of being efficient. In technical terms it means “Producing more output in a given time.” From the economics point of view, it refers to how well resources are utilized to produce optimum product that benefits the consumers without getting wasted. For a country to be efficient, it must look at all the aspects and lead the nation hand in hand in all areas. Lacking in any one can drastically impact the efficiency.

Governments in developing countries play an important role in the growth process, most notably through their budgetary policies. Efficiency is estimated for developing countries using data envelopment analysis and subsequently employed in a general to specific approach in order to identify its determinants. Various factors determine the efficiency for a country, for example; Per capita income, GDP, health, life expectancy etc. If one is biased and thinks for own selfish needs the efficiency is affected and may result in other low scoring areas.

As we have seen, corruption is mostly an evil act that thrives only because of greediness and efficiency is the measure of all the factors combined. I disagree that with corruption, efficiency can be attained.

Talking about our nation, India, it lays 5th lowest in terms of energy efficiency. India low ranks not just the energy field but also in other fields like Education system, life expectancy, etcetera.. India ranks 81 in Global Corruption Index out of 153 countries. It can also be seen that, the top non corrupt countries are the ones that are developed. This actually shows that with corruption there is a decline in development, progress and efficiency. Corruption often results in widening the gap between the rich and poor. People with power take most of the credit in form of money, power or expensive gifts.

Take the example: Most often the food items meant for the marginalised citizens of India does not even reach them. This is a form of corruption where the CORRUPT actually steal food literally out of the Mouths of people who do not have 2 square meals a day. This is perhaps the most visible form of corruption. MNREGA ,SUBSIDY etc are similar in nature. These end up keeping the poor very poor and are very much evident.

Corruption at every level affects the overall efficiency, monopolising every sector following the footsteps of developed nation has resulted in small scale corruption. We seem to be following the roadmap of developed countries mainly US, but we fail to recognise that US has more than 300 years of independent history. It’s been a long time since poverty and hunger was their problem. Also they are pushing obsolete environmentally damaging sectors to developing countries. And we seem to gladly call it development/growth.

What we must strive to do instead is form our own inclusive model.  Quoting APJ Abdul Kalam- "India should walk in its own shadow; we must have our own model."

SOLVED: "Cannot mount /vendor" :MAGISK

This post is a help to Fix Magisk Install Error 1 problem in TWRP.

Okay, so you might be either switching from Super Su to Magisk, or this might be the first time you're rooting your phone, but one this is for sure: You are Rooting your phone.
Let's get into this, What is Magisk?

Magisk is an alternative to Chainfire's SuperSU, a better alternative to be precise. With Magisk you can hide your rooting. This is helpful specially when you want to use Banking Apps Like: Google Pay,PayTM, PayPal or even some games like PokemonGo which detect your device is rooted and thus does'nt work normally or doesn't work at all. For this Problem, Magisk is for your rescue. It systemless-ly masks your device so that these Apps cannot detect the Root.
Magisk is created by Topjohnwu, who created Magisk Manager and kept is open Source unlike SuperSU. Thus, Magisk is more likely to be improved by any developer who wish to contribute.

Let's move on to Rooting your device:

Rooting  your device is simple and easy, though it has some risk of bricking your phone. I recommend only developers to root their phone.
I won't be going into the same process depicted by other sites and only to flash and result in Error1.
I've gone through many process like:

• Using a different ROM.
• Formatting your phone completely.
• Extracting your ROM's .zip file and Flashing it.
• Extracting .img boot file, pasting it someplace in internal Memory.

All the above are crap, just time wasting and data wasting.

Let's to the Step by Step Procedure:
NOTE: I'm a Redmi 4A developer and tester, so this might not possibly work for other phone model. but I've tester for Redmi 5A and Note 4 as well.

1.  Full charge your Phone. This is a necessary step a few don't bother considering it and have faced a lot of issues.
   
   
2. Take a complete Backup of your Phone.
   
   
3. Go back to Stock ROM(The ROM that came pre-installed on your phone). If you are first time rooting, just ignore this step.[Not a Mandatory step. works on most custom ROM as well. I've tried AEX, LineageOS15.1, RR6.0]
   
   
4. I've never seen Magisk didn't work on  any ROM, so don't worry, I got you. Note: All these ROM had Oreo.
   
   
5. Make sure you've unlocked your bootloader. Now download TWRP but here's the thing. Download TWRP recovery with vendor. Download link: REDMI_4A_TWRP- Rolex
   Redmi_5A_TWRP- Riva              
   
   
6. Now install this Recovery using Fastboot, using PC, I recommend Minimal ADB & Fastboot.
   
   
   
   
   
   
7. That was it. Now flash Magisk and Reboot to system.
   
   
8. You will an App Magisk Manager installed on your device.
   
9. That's it. you're done. Now to hide Rooting, this manager will help to install a file and select the apps from which you wish to hide the Rooting. Enjoy!!
   

Further to install any Custom ROM. Flash the zip file, your Magisk would still be installed. and phone would still be rooted.😎

Further information by the developers:






For further queries, comment down. Hope to help you all. 👍

Dear Dad(Letter 2)

Asalaam Alaekum Abbu,

First of all, Dad I miss you. We all miss you. I regret not saying that while you were with us but I did miss you then, now it's even more. It's been a week since you're gone and the vacancy is increasing gradually. I'm going back to Kolkata, leaving mom with Grandparents, I had to, I have an exam tomorrow. Wish me luck, like you always used to, calling me just before exam wishing me luck instructing me again though you've said it a hundred times before but again you used to remind me how to manage time, attempt all the question, attempt those that I know first, after answering recheck to find any errors. I remember them. I remember you. As soon as I used to come back my phone would ring "Daddy Calling" and you enquire about every minute details. Ahh, I there are so many exams yet to give and the interviews, who would advice me?

Don't worry father, I'll handle my self, I've always been the patient one, but this is a lot to test :( I worry about Mummy. How would she spend her time. The first two days won't be the one when she'd feel lonely, then, we had so many people visiting us, it was all crowded and she was always accompanied by someone. The next two days there were still few people with us and house didn't feel much vacant. Moreover, Dad you used to go on tours for 3-4 days so it was natural for us, specially Mummy not to feel the void. I fear the days past now. Your death certainly created void in all our lives but the major void is in the life of Mummy. She spent half of her life with you by your side. Everything back there in home reminds us of you. Your almirah the clothes, your drawer, documenters briefcase, everything is neat and arranged. I feel really bad how she would have to live with all of this, all by herself. We(me and my sister) would return back to our lives and the socialism would bring us back to normalism, but mummy is all by herself now. She has no one to chat with, She'll miss your company during the Morning tea, during the breakfast when you used to be in hurry and that making Mummy doing chores speedily coming out of boring slow morning. She'll miss the lunch you both used to have together chatting on every topic that can be picked. She'll miss the evenings the most when you both sat on the balcony sipping tea with biscuits, always reading the namaz together and those little fights you had over food what should be made and what not. This time of iddat(staying indoors, not seeing any stranger men and much more) is indeed a brutal test of patience. May God give her patience, will and happiness.

I wish this time passes soon, then Shara(my sister) will call her to Hyderabad. And soon In Sha Allah, I'd get a job and I'll keep Mummy to stay with me. Of course who could let go mom's food plus she won't be lonely.

The train is going too slow, I hate when problematic time passes this slow. I wish I had served you more and took more blessings from you. There was so much more to talk about and take your advice upon.

The train is passing is through a tunnel now and it's all shadow only few occasional lights. Our life is just the same, sometimes slow sometimes fast, passing through entire blackened out tunnel which remains for a short span of time. There are nights, there are days. We're all moving forward at the same pace towards death. With the age as the seat number. Some get down before the last station some stay with us till the last breath. It's just a journey and we're all passengers. Some have shorter destination while some have long duration. It's life and now we have to live with it.

Goodbye Dad

Love you.

Dear Dad(Letter 1)

AssalamWalekum Abbu,

Hey Abbu, this is my first ever letter to you, but I promise, this won't be the last. First of all I miss you Abbu, I may not have told this to you ever, but everytime, every single step of my life you've led me. Now that you're dead, I regret not saying those often. From the pre-nursery form to college admission you were there always not just guiding me but taking lead and doing everything yourself so that I don't face any difficulties or problems. You were there always and I believe you're still here with me, us, looking upon everyone you love. I wish I could've spent more time with you, cared for you more just like you did, but the bar that you set was too high. You were the best anyone could dream of. You never laid any pressure on me always asked what I wanted, you never raised an eyebrow even though you knew I was going for some movie taking classes as an excuse. You were the calmest Dad anyone could dream of. You always wanted me to be a better man, just so that I could live a better life. We never shared I love you or I miss you with each other because those were in the actions, the care you did. Always fulfilling all my desires, selfish desires. Those times when you used to allow ice-creams or Chocolates even though it meant going against Mom. The times when we used to watch CID or Horror movies and I used to snuggle into your arms, or when we shared that hearty laughter and our house echoed happiness. I still remember that time when you used to teach me maths and how good I was then. How proud you were when I had scored 98. I will always make you proud Abbu, always and make everyone say " He's the son of Late Md.Khurshid Anwar". I wish, we could've talked more. The time when you were in coma, I wish I could understand those tears and eyeball movement. I wish to ease your pain, listen to everything you wished to say. There are so many other wishes only to let go. You never asked for any wishes to be fulfilled, all you did was to fulfill ours. The perfect Husband, the perfect son, and the perfect Dad. All I want you to know, we love you more than we ever showed(Sorry, I'm not a guy with emotions) and will always remember you. I'm sure you're smiling right now, we'll always be holding hands. May you rest in Paradise.

Love you,

Your Son(Proud Anwar)

Dt. 15thSept 2018